Narcissism can be understood as the dark side of the human personality. It’s identifying traits like raw selfishness, control, manipulation, and so forth add nothing good to relationships. Obviously, you will encounter difficulty as you are entangled with strongly narcissistic people, and in some cases, it can be psychologically disastrous.
On the far end of the spectrum is malignant narcissism, which includes extra ingredients like sociopathy, cruelty, and excessive disregard. People of this persuasion may often seem paranoid and can at times be sadistic. If you are attached to such a person, disaster is virtually guaranteed.
To get an idea of how malignant narcissism stands apart, let’s highlight some of its most common identifiers:
- A pervasive lack of emotional detachment. To them, people exist to be used, period. While they can feign friendliness, they tend to be loners who willingly exploit.
- Drawn toward themes of power and dominance. As they assume positions of authority such as a parent, the boss, or the leader of an organization, they minimize approachability while maximizing anger. They must be known as the Alpha.
- A strongly pessimistic view of life. They cynically view life as a tension between those who should be in control versus those who deserve to be controlled. There is no room for compromise or empathy. None.
- Refusal to be accountable. Malignant narcissists know the difference between right and wrong, yet they have no regard for any structure requiring [their] self-restraint. They answer to no one.
- Cold-hearted fearlessness. Not only are they callous in their treatment of others, they take pride in it. They are intentional in letting others know: “You’re messing with the wrong person.”
- Harshness is deliberate. Their meanness is not just a lapse in character, it is calculated. It is part of a program of subjugation.
- Cruelty is central to their essence. Having no capacity for love and an underdeveloped conscience, they feel energized as they rule over others with an iron fist. Cries for fairness do not impact them.
- Casual attitude about your pain. As you suffer under their mistreatment, they remain detached from the anguish they generate. Commonly, they just shrug when others suffer.
- Incapable of reasoning. A malignant narcissist’s naturally condescending attitude renders them incapable of finding a rationale for listening. Instead, they tell. They make demands. They do not receive input.
Often people will ask: “Is this malignancy the result of nature or nurture?”
My experience with such individuals tells me they tend to have an inborn leaning toward meanness unlike normal people. Whereas some individuals have a naturally sunny predisposition, “malignants” do not. Yes, they can also have environmental influences that make matters worse, but for the most part, their harsh tendencies transcend social influences.
That said, they tend to have a history of inadequate attachments with significant others, which adds to the problem of low empathy. They lack introspection into their psychological make-up…such a topic is frivolous to them. And as a result, they are out of touch with their own internal scars. Self-reflection is a completely foreign concept to them.
As it becomes apparent that you are engaging with a malignant narcissist, acknowledge that you cannot have a gratifying connection with such a person. It will not happen. Drop the expectation of making that person “see the light.” Such a thought is an illusion.
Verbally defend yourself minimally when the narcissist is agitated, since that would be akin to throwing gasoline on a fire. Instead, assert your needs behaviorally. That is, make proactive choices to stay out of that person’s sphere of influence, seeking cleaner connections elsewhere.
It’s tragic when individuals are so depraved, they become like an animal on the prowl, seeking to devour without conscience. Recognizing this, as they seem determined to remain the embodiment of trouble, seek an exit plan and stay as far away as possible.
~Les Carter, Ph.D.
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