My name is Joan and I’m the Scapegoat of my family…
My mother and two sisters present with all the patterns of behavior that are typically associated with a narcissist personality and have used me as their scapegoat to this day.
Throughout my life I always knew my mother was problematic and often referred to her as narcissistic. Only in the last five years have I come to realize and understand how damaging a narcissistic personality disorder can be to the family structure.
Thank you Dr. Les Carter and Dr. Ramani Durvasula for your books and teaching web sites which have been invaluable assets to my education on this topic. I reached a point in my life were each meeting with them resulting in verbal and emotional abuse was too upsetting and just not worth experiencing over and over again.
I’ll give an example: the Christmas after our father died I invited both sisters and their families and mom to my home for dinner. Mom and one sister and her family came. My other sister declined because she said her kids wanted to invite a few friends over to her home for the holidays. I said to her, “not a problem bring them along, let’s all be together for Christmas.”
She declined but told her family I said only she and her husband were invited not her kids. A blatant lie that she spread to everyone. My mother and other sister believed her blatant lie. Three narcissistic personalities who enable each other! No more will I be a target of their abuse. I have no contact with my sister’s and only minimal phone contact with mom.
This reminds me of a time when a caller commented on Dr. Carter’s show that she felt numb at the loss of her narcissistic parents. I know exactly how that feels, and my mom and sisters are still alive! Life is better without the confusion and sadness of people who hurt you. I don’t want to be tolerated, I want to be celebrated and cherished by those who love me.
Joan
Scapegoat is defined as: A person who is blamed for the wrongdoings, mistakes, or faults of others, especially for reasons of expediency.
Learn more about Scapegoats and 50 other important definitions HERE
Hi, Joan, I understand the scapegoat situation all to well. I was married to a narcissist for 38 years. i didnt recognize it for what it was until after the marriage ended. I dealt with lying, scheming, extramarital affairs, a total lack of empathy, gaslighting and so much else. In the end, I was made to take the blame for everything. It destroyed my family. It drove a wedge between me and my precious daughter. I have a granddaughter I havent even met. it was a scenario that I couldnt understand. I had tried to play by rules but still lost. A therapist helped me realize what I was dealing with all those years. I am still healing. I have found Dr. Carters videos very helpful and insightful. Its also good to know that I am not the only one to experience these things. Thanks for sharing your story.
Three of them? And I thought I had problems.