A Narcissist’s negativity defines who they will be.
Consider the many times you have been interacting with a narcissist and the result of the conversation was being insulted, dismissed, and demeaned. That’s what they do.
How much respect do you feel toward that person? Well, the answer is obvious…close to zero.
Now let’s take it a bit further. As you’re interacting with a narcissist, how easily do you respond in kind? You too might become insulting, dismissive, and demeaning. In other words, you can behave with the very disdainful traits you dislike inside the narcissist.
In such moments, that unhealthy person has infiltrated your personality and has robbed you of your decency.
Sometimes wisdom requires us to act in ways that are inconsistent with what we feel in the moment. Any discipline requires a “mind over emotion” response at some point. In the case of life with a narcissist, I have determined that it is folly to allow that deeply unhealthy person to establish my pace, which leads to the conclusion that I will not allow my immediate emotion to guide my action.
When I suggest having respect even when the feeling isn’t there, let’s make sure we understand what I am not advocating. I am not advocating a lack of assertiveness. And I am not suggesting catering to that person’s commands. Nor am I suggesting pandering and acting like a buddy toward someone I dislike. Nor am I suggesting it is wrong to feel anger and hurt. Being strong in the presence of an emotional bully is what I am seeking.
Acting upon respect despite sour emotions means that you prioritize civility, decency, personal stability, and confidence.
In other words, you are determined to be healthy when the invitation is offered to the contrary.
Narcissists desperately want to be in control, and they want you to become their narcissistic supply. When you collapse into a consistently unhealthy response pattern, the narcissist can smile inside, thinking, “Oh, I have so won.”
I choose not to give the narcissist a victory of that sort over me. But more importantly, I choose to let my actions indicate: “I am a decent person and that is something you cannot have charge over. No way.”
If you are interested in online counseling, Dr. Carter has a sponsor who can assist. As the need is there, please seek the help you deserve: https://betterhelp.com/survivingnarcissism
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I am a trained mental health practitioner and trained in DBT. I consider myself to be a relatively reasonable and compassionate human being. How I wish I had recognised my adult step daughters are both narcissistic and not reacted how they were inviting me too on occasions. Once I did shout back at one of his daughters and she has not spoken to her father for three years because of this. It has caused much trouble between me and my husband of 21 years as I could see as a relative outsider how they were so disrespectful and have a massive sense of entitlement. After listening to you and watching your YouTube videos I can see them exactly for what they are and how manipulative they are. Your videos have helped their father to see he is not the terrible person they keep telling him he is. Thank you 🙏
Tku. I agree 💐
Your videos have helped me a great deal. I’m truly grateful for your service to humanity. Emotional stress is very difficult to communicate except with someone that has the understanding. Once again, your videos have given me so much insight and relief. Thank you
The narcissist really does want to suck you into their world of fear and rage, and they’ve developed thousands of ways to try to get you there. They’re like highly efficient recruiters — even evangelists — for Hell.Thanks for the reminder to resist the gravity-like downward pull. And prayers that your throat is better soon — whether it’s seasonal allergies or a cold, I hope it clears up soon. All the best to you and Gus.