Often times when we are dealing with a narcissist, it is hard understand the narcissist’s attitudes. They are extremely condescending.
Here are the 15 Condescending Attitudes That Indicate Disdain Toward You:
1. They make low attempts to connect with you. The implication is: “You’re not worth the effort.”
2. They can be overly sensitive in their emotional reactions to you. This implies, “My feelings are the only feelings that matters. You shouldn’t feel differently from me.”
3. They have little regard to your emotions. Since they are so enamored with the ways they feel, it stands to reason that they make no effort to know how you feel. Their self absorption results in very low empathy.
4. They will over-interpret your emotions to make it all about them. They might ask: “Why are you doing this to me?” or “What did I do to deserve this?” This happens despite indications that your emotions are a separate matter.
5. They can be bored or disinterested regarding the issues that matter to you. If events don’t fit their preferences, they think, “Why would I care?”
6. They will judge you readily. They express disagreement while insinuating that you are not just wrong, but defective.
7. They can be quite uncomfortable around people who differ. Rather than responding to different people with an open mind, they wish to be only with those who conform to their tastes or opinions.
8. They will blame others for their flaws or mistakes even when all evidence indicates otherwise. This is part of their need to be superior.
9. They strongly dislike to apologize, and when they do, it is shallow. They cannot bear feeling subordinate.
10. They will punish via silence and physical withdrawal. They convey an “I’ll show you who’s in charge” attitude.
11. They feel victimized easily. Your lack of agreement leads to the conclusion: “You’re making my life miserable.”
12. They may appear humble, only to have you learn later that they were just tuned out. Their gentleness or deference can be a disguise for disinterest or even smugness.
13. They can harbor feelings of jealousy and envy. The lack of empathy renders them unable to be glad for your good fortune or for others’ good wishes toward you.
14. They have difficulty expressing thanks or gratitude. In their minds, honoring you detracts from their specialness. It’s as if they’re thinking: “There is only enough good will here for one person, and that person is me.”
15. They can hold grudges for a long time. Once you’ve offended a narcissist, you cannot get off their bad list.
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My husband did all of this when he had to read our agreed terms of our soon to be divorce, that I didn’t want but had to do because our his behavior and new Secret girlfriend. I hired the attorney, did all the financial papers, worked out all the particulars with him Long before Covid, but just the responsibility of him having to read it and sign off sent him into a victims rage. He gaslight me the entire phone conversation. It was so hard, but I. Was glad I was able to stay strong and see it for what it really was, narcissistic injury.
Thank you for all the support!
To the letter, mine asked for divorce on the 4th because I couldn’t stop bleeding from the emotional wounds he’d inflicted on me. Always busy acting like nothing happened, he’d done nothing wrong always having this hurt look on his face like it had been me who had stabbed him in the back. When he asked I agreed, not what he’d been expecting. Told him he need to be single and get a taste of the real world after 29 years. We signed the papers yesterday. Between the head lice, the alcoholism, internet girl friends and the fact I haven’t had any type of meaningful communication with him in roughly 15 years I was ready for him to go.
Great list! And the end result of spending time around a CN is feelings of shame, guilt and confusion. Taken together, the CN’s actions seem to say “I wish you didn’t exist.” Then you’re left figuring out, “how do I not only exist but thrive with a CN in my life?” That’s what I work on every day.
I thought I knew everything about Narcissism (Overt) since I had one for a mother. My first encounter with a Covert was my recently divorced ex-husband of 29 years. Yes, there was early signs but I didn’t know what I was witnessing. I couldn’t connect the 2 overt and covert because the behaviors were so different.
Over time the deception, LYING, cheating and stealing became more and more evident, he began to flip between the two and then the holier than thou arrogance and lack of empathy started to bubble to the surface. It made me ill just to have him in the same room with me. I started distancing myself in every way, emotionally, financially, etc. until he moved in with one of the many GF he’ had. Glad he’s out of my life for good.
I empathize. 15 years. But, I instead feel so confused by the “loss” and “discard” What you described bubbled in my situation prior to his discard. Thereafter, he passively admitted to flirting. Even if I caught him red handed, he would say it was my eyesight.