I’ve left my narc for almost two years. I can’t go totally no contact because we have 2 sons. I am freer than I’ve ever felt before. He can’t touch me. I don’t trust or believe anything he says and I have strong boundaries getting stronger all the time. We were married 20 years ago. He swept me off my feet with his charm and charisma. It was all a lie.
He soon turned into someone I didn’t recognize. Emotionally abusive, dismissive of my needs and feelings. The infidelity went on the entire marriage. I’d catch him and he’d feign remorse. Love bomb again, gain my trust, then crush me all over again.
I thought I was crazy, losing my mind. My self esteem and self worth were next to nothing. I had 2 small children and in moments of clarity saw no way out. Alcohol and drugs are part of my story. I just didn’t want to feel my feelings anymore. Walking on eggshells, incredible anxiety, self loathing, I just didn’t want those feelings anymore.
Through Gods Grace I found Alcoholics Anonymous. Through sobriety and therapy I reconnected with my feelings and gained strength. I knew I had to leave him to stay clean and sober so I did! Learning then about narcissism it all became so clear, an aha moment. I’m still a work in progress, still disengaging, gaining confidence every day. I almost believe my best years are yet to come.