Sadly, narcissists build an entire persona upon one falsehood after another.  Hiding behind a False Self, they concoct distortions for the purpose of propping up a narrative of their superiority over you.  Secretly, they are pathologically insecure, but the pain of such an admission is too overpowering.  So, they go all out, convincing themselves they are truly enlightened, then expecting you to buy into their reasoning.

Think about this:  They tell themselves they deserve favored treatment that you do not deserve.  To them, there is no need to understand you. 

Why bother?  Presumably, if they have personal problems, it’s because you don’t have your act together.  When angry, they seek you out as the one responsible.  On top of that, you owe your deference to them.  They tell themselves their opinions and priorities are far better than yours, therefore you illustrate your dysfunction when you do not comply with their many demands.

What healthy person thinks that way?

Simply put, narcissists are not psychologically healthy and they will treat you like “common folks” as they falsely elevate Self.  Never mind how erroneous their thinking is.  If they proclaim it, then it must be true.  The net result is an attitude of condescension that becomes insufferable.

This narcissistic delusional thinking does not arise from a vacuum.  In their deep past, patterns came into play allowing them to lay a foundation for false bravado.  Let’s focus on the prime ingredients feeding their arrogance.

  1. They operate with a cold heart.  Self-service is all that matters.  Having a history lacking in empathic skills, they are unable to be compassionate.  The needs and feelings of others does not impact their mental processes.
  1. Having emotional disconnect, they have low curiosity about you.  They do not consider our human interdependence.  It does not occur to them how their quality of life can be enhanced by learning about your unique qualities and perspectives.  
  1. Narcissists lack reflective thinking.  The narcissist truly believes: “I already know what I need to know.”  Shallowness overshadows contemplation, inhibiting any inclination to consider the damage caused by their close-mindedness.
  1. They struggle with envy, disguised as disdain.  Narcissists dislike good news belonging to you because their insecurity demands the favored position.  Rather than coming to terms with their psychological neediness, they express deep disregard for you especially in your moments of gladness.
  1. Beyond disdain, they harbor contempt toward you if you challenge their thinking or stray from their demands.  They have learned that life consists of a Fixed Agenda, and to ensure their lofty status, narcissists have appointed themselves as the author of The Agenda.  Criticism and grudges are natural byproducts.
  1. Narcissists are impossibly divisive.  Early in life, they concluded that relationships are a competition.  There are the “haves” and the “have not’s.”  As they engage with you, they are sizing you up. “Are you with me or against me?”  Harmony is a foreign concept.
  1. They are committed to a fool’s way of life.  Foolishness is typified by an ongoing pattern of poor judgment, lacking emotional intelligence, yet acting as if their life is the gold standard.  They do not see how their attitude of exclusivity is laughable, even pitiable.

The longer you are exposed to such arrogance, perplexed feelings arise, prompting questions. 

You might wish to ask:

  • Who appointed you king?  Queen? God?
  • Would you be willing to examine the benefits of humility?
  • What is it about kindness and goodness that you reject?
  • Do you not see how you are projecting much unresolved hurt and pain?
  • Can we talk about your insecurities?  How can you justify that insulting others will soothe your fragile ego?
  • Do you not care about the psychological damage you inflict upon others?  Would you consider encouragement as a preferred alternative?
  • Do you not see how your arrogance puts you onto a path toward evil?  Is that what you want?
  • Can you understand that bullying and shaming others whittles away at your psychological well-being?

Being delusional means ascribing truth to assumptions despite heavy evidence to the contrary.  So, when narcissists cling to such thinking, they illustrate an entrenched inability to reason clearly.  Their self-directed dishonesty has infected their souls.

Understanding this, keep your distance once you see their delusions.  This person will never become your safe haven.  Drop your illusion that you will be the one to make them see the light.  Instead, give significant priority to your own self-preservation.

It is both pitiable and scary when a person prioritizes condescension over goodness.  That is the rut the narcissist is in, but that is not your problem to solve.  Instead, inwardly you can think: “You have chosen your path, now it’s my challenge to choose mine.”

~Les Carter, Ph.D.

To watch the video on this topic, click here.