Sadly, narcissists by default approach you with a distorted view of their specialness which, of course, will impact their interactions with you. They do not have good insights about themselves, which makes it impossible to have good insights about you. Nonetheless, they vie for the control position, feeling justified as they reel you into their orbit. They desire your fealty, and they pursue you in the presumption that you should see their obvious distinctions.
Like anyone else, they want respect, but their distorted understanding of respect translates to entitlement. They require your exaggerated affirmation, require your deference and require your subjugation. Even as they are oblivious to their pathology, they assume the superior position wherever they may be.
This sets up predictable patterns: They will not listen. They cannot compromise. Harmony is off the table. Unable to see the good in you, they criticize and judge with astonishing regularity. They cannot contain their anger and disgust, are unable to manage hurt feelings constructively and cannot and will not take responsibility for their pathology because, you see, if there is a problem, it’s your fault.
Undergirding their manner of life is profound psychological ineptitude. Yet, despite it all, they cling to that condescending entitlement. Amazing, isn’t it!
With their distortions and requirements leading the way, they want you to fall in line, not just behaviorally, but in spirit as well. You should give nothing less than your blind acquiescence.
For instance, they would love to hear you state:
- I must admit, my opinions and interpretations are poorly conceived.
- I know I make lots of mistakes.
- Please, please forgive me for my many faults.
- You are so right on so many levels. In fact, you’re probably a genius.
- I’ve never met anyone as enlightened as you. You’re exceptional.
- You’re also more attractive, fun, and clever.
- Let’s do what you think is best. After all, you can do no wrong.
- When we disagree, your anger is valid but mine is not.
- When something good happens to us, you deserve the credit.
- If you experience failure, I’m sure there’s a valid explanation. It certainly couldn’t be your fault.
- I’m most comfortable when you have the final word.
- I’ll gladly hand over my power to you.
As absurd as such comments are, narcissists would think: “Now we’re getting somewhere.” And they would mean it!
It’s difficult to fathom how a person can be so delusional to believe they are entitled to unmerited favored treatment. Yet, as you seek to overcome the impact of such sentiments, Step One requires you to accept the truth. Admit it…you’ve probably thought many times: “I can’t believe how inappropriate this person is.” Well, believe it. It’s part of their defense against pain and shame that is deeply embedded in their psyche. They are imprisoned by their narcissistic dysfunctions.
Cease your efforts to talk them out of their entitled delusions. You will only receive scorn and justifications. Entitled narcissists are so committed to the False Self, their reasoning is clouded by the desperation of their inner child who secretly feels unlovable and insignificant.
Instead, stay independent, very independent. Entitlement is baked into narcissists’ mannerisms, and they are free to act upon it. Yet you too are free, and you need not play along with their nonsense. You can think: “I see through your distortions and I’m moving far away from your requirements. I can’t afford to take my cues from someone who makes no effort to know me.”
~Les Carter, Ph.D.
To watch the video on this topic, click here.
