Dr. C’s note: Recently, I asked the members of Team Healthy, via my YouTube channel, to offer their ideas about a non-narcissistic life. As usual, I was impressed by the fullness of the many responses, and I am printing them here for your enjoyment and edification.
A non-narcissist is a person who no longer has to constantly appease someone with changing your plans to suit them; overlooking their lies so you don’t have to suffer their wrath and by overlooking the fact they did not keep their word and made you out to be the bad guy.
I think being social is important to be healthy. But also making the best of loving solitude and being with Nature.
A non-narcissistic way of life is a life of acceptance, gratitude, and courage. It is a way of life that includes giving and serving others simply because seeing another person’s happiness gives you genuine joy.
Just having a discussion with somebody where they actually care and actually listen, and you can work things out…that’s all I ever wanted. I’d like the relationship to be give and take.
Someone who is balanced with empathy for themselves and others. But it needs to be balanced with self-care. And a big deal is someone who accepts in most situations others boundaries as long as they’re in the range of normal.
Being kind respectful and accepting of each other without drama. Embracing differences including beliefs. Wish all my relationships could be this way.
Equal give and take, no lying, no secret life, reciprocity in the marriage. Respecting boundaries regarding religion and politics.
Non-narcissism is Authenticity, Compassion/Empathy, Patience, Love. Feeling of Peace. Seeing the beauty in nature. Being Grateful to be Alive no matter how difficult life has been. It’s Knowing you Stronger and Thriving not just a survivor! …. And giving yourself a High 5 every time you see yourself in the mirror each morning! How’s that Dr C!
Non – narcissism to me would be not hiding information that affects your partners financial and emotional life.
I think non-narcissists have an innate desire to be decent people, or if they are lacking, they are willing to learn. And it’s not decency just for show. It’s an internal core value that guides most of their actions.
To me, a non-narcissistic way of life is to live a life where people can say, “I TRUST you.”
For me non-narcissism is integrity.
Non-narcissistic means being able to love, listen, accept others for who they are, be kind and generous and supporting. Love Jenny Pearson from South Africa.
A non-narcissistic way of life is heart-centered, values-guided, wisdom-filled and uniquely expressive… WITH A DOG!. I am so serious.
Someone that cares and has compassion and sympathy for someone other than themselves.
Non-narcissism is about being authentic. It is a peaceful life. It is a life where you allow others to be who they are while you remain true to yourself.
For me non-narcissism is someone that shows empathy, someone that can sense when you are down or doing great. Capable of returning the love giving by the other. To have someone concentrate on the best traits or help thru difficult times. Someone that thinks before speaking and doesn’t say hurtful words or calling names.
Equal rights + acceptance + empathy + emotional balance = non-narcissism.
Others-centered, reflective, teachable, empathetic, a team-builder and team-member, humble, boundary keeper and boundary respecter, responsible, truly truthful, compassionate, kind, gentle, the same person in secret as he/she is in public life.
Non-narcissist- being able to admit you are wrong, and truly mean it and show it.
Non-narcissism to me looks like someone who likes and accepts me for who I am, without wanting me to be different. Also, it looks like someone who handles frustrations with maturity, rather than raging tantrums.
To me non-narcissism is being able to talk freely without being judged. Having a good feeling about yourself with what you do. Not feeling like a prisoner and no being integrated no being gaslighted and not playing mind games. Feeling free and go where you like. Having a good feeling within you and show kindness to others.
Non-narcissism means being authentic, caring for the well-being of another without a plan to get something back because you did. Thinking of how your behaviors might affect others before doing them. My mother wrote the word “Economy” and put it on my fridge while I was married to a N. It was her way of coding a message to remind me to make sure my marriage was not all about one person. Authenticity, hearing and listening and repeating your perceptions of what your hearing back to make sure you’re perceiving correctly. Validation which is a 2 way street! A loving, caring mutual relationship should help one another be all you can be!
There is good and evil in us all…..you either follow the Light in good conscience or you live in the dark without one….now, am I saying people do not backslide or pretend? No I am not. They key phrase is GOOD CONSCIENCE.
Free of assumptions. Freedom of speech. Freedom to be yourself. Kindness instead of hate, jealousy, indifference.
Healthy relationship: when someone wants to spend time with me because of who I am as a total person instead of what they think I can/”should” bring to the table.
Being able to enjoy something without needing to force others to do it with you.
The non-narcissist way is to say and be what you are and not having to be a robot.
NON-NARC:. Willing to share the control with another/others—take turns—compromise. Respect. Empathy. Honesty.
It means to never need to worry about my chatter somehow being turned into a reason for argument.
Non-narcissist way of life: Love, Peace, Love, Kindness, Love, Love, Love, Love……Floating above the hate spewed at me. Trying to let the negative roll off without taking it into my being.
non narcissist means to not copy someone else,. lifestyle, and words.
It means being respected, validated, and solution focused, as opposed to blame focused.
To me, non-narcissism is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
Someone who is willing to look at themselves and is willing to make improvements.
Non narcissistic life now means…FREEDOM
Allowing others to decide what kind of life works best for them while being loving and respectful and happy for their freedom.
Compromise, trust, honesty, agree to disagree in arguments, resolution in disagreements, being warm and considerate with others, peace…
Non-Narcissism is everyone having room to feel how they feel, and also, taking responsibility for how they feel and what personal choices may have contributed to it. It’s listing to understand someone and not merely to gather ammo. It’s maintaining a healthy boundary between YOU and ME, while opening the garden gate for others to come and visit sometimes.
Non- narcissism is so many things that pertain to good values, being honest with ourselves, respectful and open minded toward ourselves and others, commitment to livelong growth, and the list goes on. In short, the Golden Rule works for me. “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you”. That is ancient wisdom that is known as golden for good reasons.
Non Narcissism=Humble and Kind. Narcissism is opposite of THIS.
Non-narcissism to me means loving yourself and finding your own happiness in life and not caring about negative ppl comments along the way to detour your goals of a happy, healthy lif
For me a non-narcissistic life means you can be yourself, genuine, without fear of being constantly judged, ridiculed, shamed. It means having peace and living in peace. Greetings from Croatia
Trust yourself, open communication, no excuses, assertiveness, mere consistency, I will applaud the success of other people, I will defend humanity, in this hierarchy of needs I will protect myself.
A life of self-reflection and positive growth in character, intellect, career, play and leisure, and relationships including God.
A non-narcissistic lifestyle: A balanced give and take sharing mutual love, caring, and support.
A kind person, uplifting, supportive, positive thinking, open to ideas or suggestions, gives encouragement, show appreciation, and most of all, trusting.
Non-narcissism is being aware of others. Not complaining 97% of the time about the food you’re eating when dining out. Not being critical of most people. Having a caring attitude towards others especially your spouse. Not thinking yourself better than others. Having empathy or compassion towards others. Being able to step outside yourself.
Being non-narcissistic to me means relating to others with genuine curiosity about who they are as an individual, and holding space for and appreciating their differences from you.
Just get along with others. Listen to what they have to say, say what you are thinking, and then proceed. Sometimes you have to compromise the most and other times, others do most of the adjusting. To me, it’s about enjoying others; it’s about having fun, keeping your words encouraging, and keeping a calm safe interaction. Now why can’t that be attainable for everyone?
A non-narcissistic life for me is to be able to live without feeling that knot in my guts all the time. Live and behave normal without fearing consequences, without calculating silly things and without fearing reactions and anger. Deciding things without being scared that I might be wrong. It’s ok to be wrong, I’ll learn from my mistakes. Laugh at myself and realize that I’m only a human being who is right sometimes and wrong another. A non-narcissistic life is being able to breath and relax.
Non-narcissists have empathy. They have a good self-esteem within themselves and don’t feel the need to prove they are superior to others. They aren’t prone to arguing. They listen without judging, able to accept another person faults and all, because they realize they also want to be accepted…good and bad. Not selfish but kind. Never manipulate you because they value honesty. They also value you.
A non-narcissistic life means that when you become sick, no matter how slight, it’s ok. You’re not doing it on purpose, and you receive tender, loving care.
To be non-narcissistic means to discuss things when they come up and listen to the other’s point of view without pouting, throwing a temper tantrum, and silent treatment then pretending like nothing happened three days later. Also, not to be so entitled and appreciate people when they’ve helped you out when no one else would.
It’s giving without expecting receiving, and receiving in happiness of wanting to give back. No matter what is shared, emotionally/materialistic, but mainly emotionally. To really know your S.O. has your back, no matter what and ofc in return. It is a trust that is ALWAYS there.
Non-narcissism – treating others the way you want to be treated.
Respecting your own boundaries as well as the boundaries of others. Treat people with respect and also treat yourself with respect.
Non narc is a person you feel safe around and doesn’t attack you behind your back. Non-controlling, doesn’t covertly insult to cause an argument.
Non-narcissism is not taking yourself too seriously.
Free to be me. Honor, respect and kindness.
Regulating emotions- NEVER using anger, rage, to CONTROL other humans. having a DEEP DOWN understanding that all other individuals are FREE… free to form opinions, friendships, choices on their life… even my grown children! We are not meant to be controlled and that’s what those anger tantrums and shaming are 100% used for.
Calm, cooperative, genuine honesty; supportive of peaceful and progressive communication. Sincerity in the reality of “what is” be it external or internal in nature. Equity in cohabitation of “home”, physical and mental space.
Non-narcissism = keeping it real. Being genuine, honest, compassionate, capable of putting yourself in another’s shoes, caring for all creatures (except for narcissists) sorry I couldn’t help myself!
It means rediscovery and freedom to live my life as I want. I finally get to explore my hobbies again.
Non-narcissist person = Empathy and Compassion, Compromise, Taking Responsibility For your Actions, Able to apologize sincerely, Thinking of others as well as yourself, Being able to let go of controlling everything.
A non-narcissistic lifestyle is one in which every person is seen as having equal worth and unique individuality. No-one is perfect or better than others, and we all have something to offer and something to learn. One who is happy for others when they succeed and who is willing to help another without expectation of reward or recognition is non-narcissistic. It’s being trustworthy and loyal, with a teachable heart.
Non-narcissist= life-long learner.
For me, non-narcissistic life means, living authentic without fear of guilt, shame, bullying, ridicule, lies, or harassment. A life without gaslighting. A life of peace, respect, consideration for one another’s life choices without attempted assimilation. A life of encouragement and appreciation, gratitude and grace. Celebrating diversity of every aspect of individuality. No judgements, no need to defend oneself, or fear.
NON-Narcissism means 1- Being Supported. 2- Real True Love. 3- Kindness 4- Walking with You not ahead. 5- Accepting boundaries 6- Real true authentic compliments. -6- Kindness to animals & service staff. 7- Giving Real hugs. 8- Speaking Your love language authentically. 9- True Authenticity. 10- Never Putting You Down. 11- Allowing you to be yourself. 12- Helping you around the house, with groceries or financially in a healthy way. 13- Never being blackmailed. 14- Does not gossip about people. 15- You’ll never have to prove yourself ever. 16- Speaks well of people. 17- Does not triangulate. 18- Never ever forces you against your will. 19- Lies. 20- Does what he/she says she will do. 21- Reliable. 22- Is fairly easy going. 23- Is not polarized weather in politics, religion. 24- No fake behavior. 25- Won’t leave you holding the bag. 26- Is stable in work or business. 27- Is OK with you being you and doing your thing.
I want to try and write a couple points of a non-narcissistic way of life: – When you respect lives of other people, their work, effort and time they spend on good things. You don’t treat the people you familiar with worse than strangers, you do not keep your anger to unleash it on someone. – When you are not ending up blaming others in everything bad and being resentful. – When you are not surrounding yourself with many small and big lies, especially about others. – When you’re arguing to prove your point, not to have some drama and not to win, because you want people to understand your position, not to proclaim yourself a winner.
For me, it’s expressing your wants & needs as an adult…no guessing, yelling, shouting & being trust worthy, cooperative, & non-controlling.
I think non-narcissists have an innate desire to be decent people, or if they are lacking, they are willing to learn. And that’s not decency just for show. It’s an internal core value that guides most of their actions.
A narcissism free life to me means living without unwarranted fear. Feeling free to enjoy the things YOU enjoy.
Non-narcissism to me means being able to love, to seek to love more than seeking to be loved (as St. Francis put it), and living in truth.
A non-narcissistic way of life is one of gentleness and civility. It is about refraining from knee jerk reactiveness to the comments and actions of others. It is to be assertive and to state your needs clearly and to always be open to listening to new ideas and to work on self-improvement.
Having mutual love and respect for those close to me is essentially what I consider to be non-narcissistic, plus having a healthy dose of empathy for others’ feelings.
Non narcissistic way is meeting half way. Truly. Reciprocal behavior is the best if it is sincere. And now I can tell if they are or not. Great feeling to tap in to the radar and know what I’m now dealing with.
To watch Dr. C’s livestream on this same topic, please click here.
