You make scores of decisions each day, right? They may be about trivial matters, major issues, or somewhere in between. Each time you are decisive, you display a piece of your personality. What do narcissists dislike? Your decisiveness and ability to choose.
Commonly, you will hear from narcissists who make it plain: “I don’t like your decisions and you need to change them, pronto.” Giving them the benefit of the doubt, there could be times when it’s reasonable for you to rethink matters. That said, it is also quite likely that their interference is a manifestation of their controlling nature. They are, after all, very inclined to giving unsolicited advice. As far as they are concerned, there is room for only one decision-maker in the room, and it’s not you.
Narcissists illustrate their manipulative attitude in the ways they respond to your decisiveness.
They can: gripe, belittle, invalidate, argue, debate, insult, point out your errors, glare at you, curse, etc. In other words, they make it known that they should be deemed superior and you are inadequate.
It’s wise, of course, to remain open to input when decisions are on the line. But when the narcissistic retort is demeaning and indignant, you need not collapse. You need to remember what narcissists dislike – which is decisiveness. You could defend or argue back or insult, but that would only fuel the flames.
Instead, remember that your decisiveness can be interpreted by narcissists as rejection.
They are quite thin-skinned and easily threatened. By letting you be decisive, they somehow interpret it as a loss of power. It makes no sense, but that’s how their minds operate.
But remember, your decisiveness does not require their nod of approval.
When narcissists look down upon you for being you, one primary question needs to be asked: Do you believe in you? When the answer is yes, I’m hoping you will determine to be true to what you know is wise and best. Don’t let the controlling, thin-skinned narcissist hijack your resolve. It is, after all, your life.
Dr. Les Carter
If you are interested in online counseling, Dr. Carter has a sponsor who can assist. As the need is there, please seek the help you deserve: https://betterhelp.com/survivingnarcissism
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