Malignant Narcissist’s have an attitude of entitlement and their motto is, “It’s all about me.”
As we begin to talk about the primary characteristics that go into the making of malignant narcissism, remember that the narcissist tends to be very controlling. They have to have their own way in many different kinds of arenas. A narcissist doesn’t bother taking much time or effort to try to understand you, because they have a low level of empathy.
Narcissist’s can be extremely manipulative and exploitive in the way they engage with others. They feel they are superior and don’t mind letting you know that fact. They have an alternate view of reality and interpret things through their own self-serving mindset, even if it means rationalizing their behavior. These are very difficult people to engage with. Truth be told, all of us can show some of these characteristics every once in a while in our lives. Those of us who are trying to grow and become more mature recognize that, and say “I know I have that capability but I don’t want to give it attention,” therefore coming up with alternative ways to handle a situation. A narcissist however, lacks self-awareness so they do not adjust these traits and just end up going deeper and deeper in to the spectrum until it becomes a way of life.
Down at the far end of the spectrum is what we would refer to as a malignant narcissist.
Let’s take the characteristics I just mentioned and go over 8 indicators you may be dealing with a malignant narcissist and how to figure out how to respond to these types of people:
- Malignant narcissists have a very strong all or nothing way of thinking.
Another saying for this is, black and white. Malignant narcissists are very authoritarian based kinds of thinkers. They don’t like it when people think on their own. They can be very forceful and dominant in letting people know that it’s their way or the highway. - Malignant Narcissists believe that they are truly unique
Now mind you, we are each unique with respect to certain characteristics and experiences, but narcissists consider themselves to be anointed, and higher up than other individuals. In their opinion; their insights are better, opinions are smarter, and their way of doing things is the best. - Malignant Narcissists are the consummate users of people.
To them, people are made to be expedient. If you fail to be useful to them, they will get rid of you. They don’t develop friendships, they develop assets, and when a friends usefulness Is up they move on to someone else. - Malignant Narcissists have incredibly low empathy.
Their lack of empathy is more than just a, “I don’t really understand you” response. They barely see your humanity. If you are hurting or have gone through something, they genuinely don’t care. A malignant narcissist will brush you off and leave you out to dry alone. There’s a real coldness towards most people - Malignant Narcissists can be very mean spirited.
The toughness they have is something that they glorify. So many movies and television programs glorify these kinds of people. It saddens me greatly when we have many movies that focus on the biggest baddest person who kills, or lies, or manipulates without a conscious and we idolize these people and make them memorable. I do not get it. Malignant narcissists actually think this way, and these people are very real and they make their partners and friends and families miserable. In real life, people get hurt when they are in the presence of a malignant narcissist - Malignant Narcissists do not trust – Almost to the point of paranoia.
“Are you for me or against me?” is their motto here. They measure people based on whether they think you will be a friend or a foe. They have thick skin and can get angry when they think that you have said or done something behind their back. “I know people are out to get me because they are so jealous of how great I am.” - Malignant Narcissists lie easily.
The truth is whatever they need it to be in the moment. They make agreements and later on when the agreement they had previously made is supposed to be upheld, they will change it up on you without warning. Don’t even bother trying to keep the narcissist accountable, they won’t care. - For Malignant Narcissists, appearance is everything.
They have a strong need to be the best and the finest. Sometimes they have this tough person look, sometimes they go after glamour, sometimes they want to be known as the meanest guy, nonetheless appearance is something they put a lot of emphasis on. It sends a statement, “This is who I am, someone special, and someone not to be messed with.”
People who have more than a few of these malignant narcissist ingredients tend to have major anger issues, as well as rage. They can be very stubborn and extremely harsh. They operate with the motto that says, “Nobody messes with me”.
Do you have someone in mind who falls into the Malignant Narcissist category? If you do, I want to leave you with a few thoughts:
- Develop a healthy fear of the malignant narcissist.
There are some folks that if they find out that you are against them, they will destroy you. Make sure that you are very careful when dealing with a malignant narcissist - Understand you will never win an argument.
Whenever you come against them, they are thinking , WAR. “I have to destroy you.” - Do your best to maintain boundaries.
But- do so in a non-combative way. If there is something they are requiring you to do but you don’t want to, don’t argue but hold your ground and only do what you are comfortable with. - Hold firmly to who you are but don’t think you will change them.
Thinking you can change the narcissists behavior will only affect you and your happiness because you will consistently be disappointed with the same outcome. Don’t expect any significant change – they are proud of who they are.
- Make sure you seek out people who are quite different – don’t allow the narcissist to be a part of your inner circle.
Find friends and family who can be a support system for you. Keep the narcissist out of these groups as often as you can to avoid manipulation and the pressure on your friends or family to take sides.
One of the biggest mistakes when dealing with a malignant narcissist is that you think too much like a normal person – these people have an entirely different operating system from the inside out. The entire thing is about dominance and you will have to maneuver around them as much as possible. There’s narcissism and then there’s malignant narcissism and these folks are down on the extreme and you need to take that into account as you deal with them.
Think you might be in a relationship with a Malignant Narcissist? Take our free quiz here: https://survivingnarcissism.tv/free-narcissist-test/narcissist-test/
If you are interested in online counseling, Dr. Carter has a sponsor who can assist. As the need is there, please seek the help you deserve: https://betterhelp.com/survivingnarcissism We receive commissions on referrals to BetterHelp. We only recommend services that we trust.
