Post Narcissist Stress Disorder – Do You have PNSD?
A Narcissistic Boss: Think You Might Have One?
15 Comments
Cathy Skitko on September 1, 2020
Please add content about dealing with aging/elderly narcissist parents! For those of us who want to “do the right thing” and care for them or at least provide some interaction with them if they are isolated due to Covid in care communities, the constant guilt-bombing can be almost debilitating — especially if they were “already” (pre-pandemic) negative, critical, and toxic (which, of course, “they” were. ) Thank you, Laura, and thank you, Dr. Carter, for your videos. They have seriously been God sends to me (along with therapy and an incredibly supportive husband, adult sons, and friends). There is no way to thank you enough!
I just wanted to thank you, Laura for opening up in one video in particular about your personal set-backs following narcissistic abuse. Your honesty has helped me accept my own human frailties and missteps in the same regard. Only those who have lived for many years with a narcissist can understand how unloved we feel after so many years of doing nothing but endlessly giving of our energy, time, soul, and entire youth hood. To offer up everything we have within us to cater only to the narcissist’s whims day in and day out for years with no love given in return ultimately leaves us bereft of any joy. Is it any wonder then that when another man shows us kindness and attentiveness that it completely turns our head around? Our hearts have been running on empty for so long that we crave attention and affection. Rediscovering our loving emotions with someone else who puts us at the center of their universe is actually a gift to be cherished. Further, experiencing genuine love for simply being oneself is what helps us heal. Finally, each one of us is a human being first that is full of emotions, and we need to be handled with care. Thank you for initiating this message to all of us who watch your videos and read your emails.
I survived seven years of narcissistic abuse. My childhood female friend her nephew reconnected with my life 7 years ago and he’s about eight years younger than I am. I experienced the typical a romance. Also we had three separate occasions where we completely disconnected from each other one time was for a full year the second time was for six months the third time was for 3 months and this time that just occurred on Father’s Day of 2020 is the permanent disconnect from my abuser. Many different types of healing have taken place during these last seven years. First I had to become familiar with myself my base personality and characteristics of who I am. Discovering that my personality type is infj with a high level of empathy.Being a victim of complex PTSD from prior to BIRTH due to being aware of my father’s violence being perpetrated on my older Brothers while I was being formed in my mother. I come from a large Catholic Family of 6 boys all about a year-and-a-half apart I am number five show my experience of abuse did not just come from my father it came from four older brothers simultaneously. 95% of my childhood was extremely loving supporting and wonderful although the 5% of the horrifying terrific traumas that I experienced have been ingrained deeply scarring me and causing me during my young adult life to live a very self-destructive rebellious violently criminal type of lifestyle. I had typically experiences in and out of rehabs trying to go to alcohol and drug programs off and on with no real permanent success. I can testify to the fact that complex PTSD can and does possibly lead to cancer at the age of 44 years old I had bladder cancer a tumor in my bladder the size of a lemon and had to go into emergency surgery life-saving surgery where they removed my entire bladder and prostate to save my life. Around 46 years old joined Healing Hearts Counseling Center and started to really try to discover my real issues and still I didn’t have consistent success until I seen a trauma doctor and then that trauma doctor sent me to Harding Hospital OSU and I joined us trauma therapy program things started changing I became a different human being I increased my empathy level for other people I became much more loving and forgiving to myself and others and the key for me to escape the narcissistic grasp or hold on me was to make myself a better and stronger human being that was able to love people regardless of their behavior or their weaknesses and it was not an easy Journey it took a good four and a half years. The combination of AA meetings trauma therapy a spiritual relationship with a higher power on a daily basis put me in control it made me the person of power and authority in the relationship where I was able to not engage and narcissistic games without hating the person I was actually able to love myself enough nothing or no one would have the power or control over me to change how I feel about myself or how I engage and treat other people. As my level of empathy increased to what I would say the highest degree fascinating transformation took place in me. it was almost like the Detachment you experience with PTSD although this was not in a negative way it was a Detachment from the person and the situation in order to protect my emotions from getting connected and involved in their drama which is never ending so basically I had to turn the power of my empathy upon myself and treat myself as empathetically as I have always treated other people and that is as challenging as self-forgiveness although the rewards are power and authority that you obtain to. Having no desire to use my power and authority To manipulate control or harm other people in any way. The freedom that I live in now is Transcendental it feels almost like another dimension of reality we have the physical world the emotional World social world and I’m spending more time in a spiritual reality that I personally believe Affects Humanity more than all the others combined. Thank you very much for your interest in my comments and have a beautiful life by bye
I would like to hear more about narcissistic behavior as related to having friends, family, or bosses who exhibit those traits. In other words, all of the same Wonderful topics but seen from different angles.
The topic of how to recover from the psychological effects of being entangled with a narcissist is a deep well. Finding the bottom of that well is to find yourself and believe that healing is possible. As a young widow, I raised my two sons and together we developed great adult relationships. As they married, the women in their lives were a big part of my life and the grands as well. Hard times came when my oldest son’s wife decided on divorce and although we are still very close, I am pained by the loss. My son became involved with a woman in our church immediately after his divorce. She was a member of a Sunday School class that I have taught for many years. I could not see it at the time, but for some reason held my opinion of her in reserve. Within three days of their “first” date, a church event, she had moved into my son’s home which is next to where I live. She began to disassemble our family immediately by telling some very tall tales and making sure that my son and I had little to no conversation. After a few weeks my son began to accuse me of things and she accused me of trying to “hurt” her. She said that I needed to cut the apron strings I had on him, that I was jealous, and I needed to move on. I mistakenly tried to confront her on some issues that I felt needed to be brought up since my teenage grandson lives in the home and it was a fatal mistake. She fought dirty and I am totally unprepared to know how to fight back. I am at the bottom of the well and have decided to look up to find the sunshine once more. My son has told me that I am not part of his immediate family, that he does not need his mom, that he wants to live his life as he wishes. With that last brutal blow, I am leaving the neighborhood that I have lived in for over sixty years, leaving my church, walking away from teaching Sunday School, leaving two jobs, leaving dear friends and family to move ten hours away to the state where my younger son and family lives. I have lost much, but at the bottom of the well where it seems like there is no way out, there is hope since my faith will carry me through. At this writing, my house is almost packed up and I leave on September 11th. I am going to call this my recovery adventure. I am praying that God might use my tragedy to help someone else triumphant over the devastation of narcissism. I did not know anything about this disorder until someone suggested that I go to your website and I am grateful – you have enlightened, encouraged and educated me on this illness. I responded to one of your sessions asking you to help parents of adult children like myself, who have suffered at the hands of a narcissist. We have prayed for our children all their lives wanting only good for them. It is devastating when our greatest joy, our children, become our greatest fear. Thank you for listening to part of my story.
Your story resonates deeply with me, Diane. I am in the same situation, only in reverse. To provide some context, it is my 36-year old son who is the narcissist and who has just recently told me that I am no longer his mother. To emphasize this, he now refers to me by my first name instead of ‘Mom’. In addition, he has refused to let me take part in his infant son’s life. In fact, he became enraged when I sent he and his wife a congratulations card and baby gifts after my daughter informed me that his wife delivered their son in May; he had never intended to tell me. I have no idea what I have done to cause such animosity in his heart toward me except that he is a malignant narcissist and, like his father (who is a covert narcissist), has a warped sense of reality. I know he is upset that I divorced his father two years ago after nearly forty years of marriage and moved back to my home state, but that is no excuse to shun me. My eldest son and younger daughter were also very upset when I left their father and moved so far away, but they have since come to terms with it and treat me with renewed respect. I am heartbroken over my middle son’s behavior and I am very worried about how he is undoubtedly treating his wife and son. Unfortunately, I sensed early on that he brainwashed his wife against me from the beginning of his marriage four years ago, so I have no relationship with her and am unable to warn her or let her know that I will never judge her if she one day decides to leave him and take their child with her. I am sure he has demolished her by now and that she has little impetus to do the right thing and actually leave. I pray that she will one day muster the strength to do so.
In any case, my story is meant to empathize with you, Diane. You have literally moved a mountain to get the heck away from some serious toxicity. While it is extremely unfair that you should be the one to completely uproot your entire life because of your son’s spouse’s behavior, I understand why you feel that you had to. Personally, I traveled thousands of miles with just one suitcase to show for 40 years of marriage in order to leave my toxic marriage. This was especially stunning to family members because I had just completed four years of care-taking of my (then) husband after he had had a devastating stroke. It took me all that time to get him back to 90% recovery because of his numerous health issues. Nevertheless, instead of being appreciative, he took on an even greater sense of entitlement toward me and, ironically, began verbally abusing me more than he ever had before. Clearly, with a narcissistic husband, we have the option to divorce, as I did. However, when the toxic narcissist is our own offspring or their spouse, we’re stuck. Either we slowly kill ourselves by sucking it up and subjecting ourselves eternally to their abuse out of a sense of martyrdom, or we leave because they have rejected us or because we just can’t take the abuse anymore. At that point, we know it is better to be far, far away from them and to pick up the pieces of our lives in a new place.
I feel incredible sadness for what you are going through, Diane, because it is the same sadness I feel. At the same time, I am enormously proud of you for setting up a new boundary with your son and his narcissistic wife. It shows how much you respect yourself. That is why I feel hopeful that you will eventually heal. And, I don’t need to remind you of this, but your son may one day come to his senses and see his wife for what she is, then leave her. By doing so, he may realize the extent to which he has impacted your life and feel deep remorse. For that reason, you can still dare to harbor hope for your son’s future and for your relationship with him. Diane, I sincerely wish you all the best in your new life. You rock!
I would love to write that your son has to comply and keep you in “his circles”. However, I can see the situation from the other side. My mother-in-law – though really uninterested in her son’s life – once she found out he found a girlfriend started to speak dirty about me, gossiping,criticizing, persuading him to leave me etc. She did not succeed. We married and moved far, far away, but for a long period of time she was still able to find a way how to bother us – mainly through our children. She was not nice to them, even beat them because they were “disobedient”, accused them that they were bad “like their mom”… She was always the good one, I, of course, the bad one. My husband fell between two mill stones. Whose side to chose? Your adult child has the right to live his own, independent life. They are not tied to you, nor obliged to stay close to you. I think you might give your son more trust that he has chosen his partner wisely.
Having gone through horrific devastation and loss , in a similar light, I very slowly healed and I need to tell you that, what disordered people do to one person, they will do to everyone. In time, the people that supported my disordered x daughter in law, have left her and her own family have taken the side of my son ( hoping to protect the children). It does take time and I have worked on who I truly am , wanting to be the person that spreads light and love. My son came around in love and I have not revisited the pain, for everyones’s sake. Have faith and hold on to yourself, in love and kindness.
Thanks…I especially would like input on when to turn the other cheek and when to stand up for yourself. Like with lies on social media and other public forums. And how to go no contact or set boundaries when it’s a family member.
I have followed Dr. Carter for nearly 2 years. He has helped me so much, both of yall have. Thank you for all your hard work. I just light up at the thought of Dr. Carter. Yall changed my life. Im very happy now. Much love to yall.
Thank you for sharing your story. It makes one remember that we are not alone with our feelings. These people can truly hurt a person so badly that you do lose your sense of self.
I feel sad that this has happened to you. I hope that one day your son will wake up and realize what he has been living with before his environment makes him sick. In the meantime, I wish you all the best in your new environment. God Bless you!
Hi Diane, Thank you for sharing your painful story. My heart breaks and the tears start to flow as I read your story because it is similar to my own story. In 2012, my husband, who I now realize is a narcissist, conducted a smear campaign against me. He privately told our two grown children, a son and a daughter, lies about me. The lies were meant to convey an image of me as a terrible mother and the person responsible for any unhappiness they had during their childhoods, and also responsible for all the problems in my marriage to their father, which had always been rocky. He painted me as a person with a serious mental disorder and someone to avoid. Unfortunately, they believed him. The last 8 years have been a time of emotional torture. Like you, my faith is the only thing that has kept me alive. My reputation and my legacy as a loving mom were destroyed. All the sacrifices I made for my children, all the loving kindness I poured into their lives, is erased. My daughter has completely cut me off. She is married and lives in another state and has zero communication with me. I have no idea if she has children. I know nothing about her life. We had once been very close but that is over. The loss of any relationship with her is the deepest cut from which I have had to heal in my life. My son still lives in the same city as myself, is unmarried with no children, and he will come see me every few months or so. He seems to “tolerate” me but has obviously sided with his father. My husband divorced me after 36 years of marriage in 2015. He didn’t communicate with me for a year after that. In 2017, he seduced me back into a relationship. I was a fool and still hoping that we could somehow “make it work,” that he would admit his lies to our children, and we would remarry. Fortunately, that hasn’t happened! Back around the time that COVID started, my ex lied to me and I caught him in that lie (it involved our daughter). His response was to shut me out. No communication, the silent treatment (for the umpteenth time). This situation, combined with the knowledge that two of my siblings (I have 5 siblings) were also involved in the lie, plus the isolation of COVID, plus a painful injury to my hip and leg, nearly put me over the edge. But, again, my faith kept me going. I “just happened” to stumble upon Dr. Les Carter’s YouTube videos about narcissism and that was life changing for me. The great irony is that I have a masters degree in professional counseling and worked as a counselor for about 2 years. I should have known better! But now I know that my ex is and has always been a narcissist. I know that any relationship with him will be toxic for me and that he will continue to destroy my relationships with family and friends. I am making plans to move to another state, where I know no one, and retire there. I plan on working with animal rescue places. I’m hoping dogs, cats, horses, etc., will be my new “family.” Out of my 5 siblings, 2 “sided” with my ex. Of the 3 that remained loyal to me, one is dying of ALS, one is an unmarried “hermit,” and one lives in another country far away. I have no close friends. I am alone in this world at the age of 63. There are days when I think my self-pity will overwhelm me. But my supernatural hero keeps helping me to continue. Thank you for listening to my story. I want to encourage you to hang in there. I love the saying, “I don’t know what my future holds, but I know who holds my future.”
Laura, Thank you for all you and Dr. Carter do. If I wrote a book about my experience with narcissism I would have to title it “My impossible life”. I feel I am not only fighting the problems that we all face, but every day is a fight over every issue, even the most mundane. Impossible to set boundaries because it only breeds more resentment and anger and retaliation from the narcissist. I also find it impossible to counter the narcissist because I am thought of as an obstacle to be overcome. Everything I say is either turned turned into an opportunity to belittle me or simply tell me to “shut up”. I feel like Rodney Dangerfield in real life, I get no respect. The sign she has on our kitchen wall saysf you knew my family you would understand”. Obviously the she grew up in a different environment than most people. This narcissism might be compounded by other issues.
She is alos a pathological liar, even about inocuous topics-why?
She is also very “gullible” almost to shame-why
I constantly ask her-how can you conrinue toi live with and be married to a man you don”t love? She does not answer me, the question does not phase her;
Please add content about dealing with aging/elderly narcissist parents! For those of us who want to “do the right thing” and care for them or at least provide some interaction with them if they are isolated due to Covid in care communities, the constant guilt-bombing can be almost debilitating — especially if they were “already” (pre-pandemic) negative, critical, and toxic (which, of course, “they” were. ) Thank you, Laura, and thank you, Dr. Carter, for your videos. They have seriously been God sends to me (along with therapy and an incredibly supportive husband, adult sons, and friends). There is no way to thank you enough!
I just wanted to thank you, Laura for opening up in one video in particular about your personal set-backs following narcissistic abuse. Your honesty has helped me accept my own human frailties and missteps in the same regard. Only those who have lived for many years with a narcissist can understand how unloved we feel after so many years of doing nothing but endlessly giving of our energy, time, soul, and entire youth hood. To offer up everything we have within us to cater only to the narcissist’s whims day in and day out for years with no love given in return ultimately leaves us bereft of any joy. Is it any wonder then that when another man shows us kindness and attentiveness that it completely turns our head around? Our hearts have been running on empty for so long that we crave attention and affection. Rediscovering our loving emotions with someone else who puts us at the center of their universe is actually a gift to be cherished. Further, experiencing genuine love for simply being oneself is what helps us heal. Finally, each one of us is a human being first that is full of emotions, and we need to be handled with care. Thank you for initiating this message to all of us who watch your videos and read your emails.
I survived seven years of narcissistic abuse. My childhood female friend her nephew reconnected with my life 7 years ago and he’s about eight years younger than I am. I experienced the typical a romance. Also we had three separate occasions where we completely disconnected from each other one time was for a full year the second time was for six months the third time was for 3 months and this time that just occurred on Father’s Day of 2020 is the permanent disconnect from my abuser. Many different types of healing have taken place during these last seven years. First I had to become familiar with myself my base personality and characteristics of who I am. Discovering that my personality type is infj with a high level of empathy.Being a victim of complex PTSD from prior to BIRTH due to being aware of my father’s violence being perpetrated on my older Brothers while I was being formed in my mother. I come from a large Catholic Family of 6 boys all about a year-and-a-half apart I am number five show my experience of abuse did not just come from my father it came from four older brothers simultaneously. 95% of my childhood was extremely loving supporting and wonderful although the 5% of the horrifying terrific traumas that I experienced have been ingrained deeply scarring me and causing me during my young adult life to live a very self-destructive rebellious violently criminal type of lifestyle. I had typically experiences in and out of rehabs trying to go to alcohol and drug programs off and on with no real permanent success. I can testify to the fact that complex PTSD can and does possibly lead to cancer at the age of 44 years old I had bladder cancer a tumor in my bladder the size of a lemon and had to go into emergency surgery life-saving surgery where they removed my entire bladder and prostate to save my life. Around 46 years old joined Healing Hearts Counseling Center and started to really try to discover my real issues and still I didn’t have consistent success until I seen a trauma doctor and then that trauma doctor sent me to Harding Hospital OSU and I joined us trauma therapy program things started changing I became a different human being I increased my empathy level for other people I became much more loving and forgiving to myself and others and the key for me to escape the narcissistic grasp or hold on me was to make myself a better and stronger human being that was able to love people regardless of their behavior or their weaknesses and it was not an easy Journey it took a good four and a half years. The combination of AA meetings trauma therapy a spiritual relationship with a higher power on a daily basis put me in control it made me the person of power and authority in the relationship where I was able to not engage and narcissistic games without hating the person I was actually able to love myself enough nothing or no one would have the power or control over me to change how I feel about myself or how I engage and treat other people. As my level of empathy increased to what I would say the highest degree fascinating transformation took place in me. it was almost like the Detachment you experience with PTSD although this was not in a negative way it was a Detachment from the person and the situation in order to protect my emotions from getting connected and involved in their drama which is never ending so basically I had to turn the power of my empathy upon myself and treat myself as empathetically as I have always treated other people and that is as challenging as self-forgiveness although the rewards are power and authority that you obtain to. Having no desire to use my power and authority To manipulate control or harm other people in any way. The freedom that I live in now is Transcendental it feels almost like another dimension of reality we have the physical world the emotional World social world and I’m spending more time in a spiritual reality that I personally believe Affects Humanity more than all the others combined. Thank you very much for your interest in my comments and have a beautiful life by bye
I would like to hear more about narcissistic behavior as related to having friends, family, or bosses who exhibit those traits. In other words, all of the same Wonderful topics but seen from different angles.
The topic of how to recover from the psychological effects of being entangled with a narcissist is a deep well. Finding the bottom of that well is to find yourself and believe that healing is possible. As a young widow, I raised my two sons and together we developed great adult relationships. As they married, the women in their lives were a big part of my life and the grands as well. Hard times came when my oldest son’s wife decided on divorce and although we are still very close, I am pained by the loss. My son became involved with a woman in our church immediately after his divorce. She was a member of a Sunday School class that I have taught for many years. I could not see it at the time, but for some reason held my opinion of her in reserve. Within three days of their “first” date, a church event, she had moved into my son’s home which is next to where I live. She began to disassemble our family immediately by telling some very tall tales and making sure that my son and I had little to no conversation. After a few weeks my son began to accuse me of things and she accused me of trying to “hurt” her. She said that I needed to cut the apron strings I had on him, that I was jealous, and I needed to move on. I mistakenly tried to confront her on some issues that I felt needed to be brought up since my teenage grandson lives in the home and it was a fatal mistake. She fought dirty and I am totally unprepared to know how to fight back. I am at the bottom of the well and have decided to look up to find the sunshine once more. My son has told me that I am not part of his immediate family, that he does not need his mom, that he wants to live his life as he wishes. With that last brutal blow, I am leaving the neighborhood that I have lived in for over sixty years, leaving my church, walking away from teaching Sunday School, leaving two jobs, leaving dear friends and family to move ten hours away to the state where my younger son and family lives. I have lost much, but at the bottom of the well where it seems like there is no way out, there is hope since my faith will carry me through. At this writing, my house is almost packed up and I leave on September 11th. I am going to call this my recovery adventure. I am praying that God might use my tragedy to help someone else triumphant over the devastation of narcissism. I did not know anything about this disorder until someone suggested that I go to your website and I am grateful – you have enlightened, encouraged and educated me on this illness. I responded to one of your sessions asking you to help parents of adult children like myself, who have suffered at the hands of a narcissist. We have prayed for our children all their lives wanting only good for them. It is devastating when our greatest joy, our children, become our greatest fear. Thank you for listening to part of my story.
Your story resonates deeply with me, Diane. I am in the same situation, only in reverse. To provide some context, it is my 36-year old son who is the narcissist and who has just recently told me that I am no longer his mother. To emphasize this, he now refers to me by my first name instead of ‘Mom’. In addition, he has refused to let me take part in his infant son’s life. In fact, he became enraged when I sent he and his wife a congratulations card and baby gifts after my daughter informed me that his wife delivered their son in May; he had never intended to tell me. I have no idea what I have done to cause such animosity in his heart toward me except that he is a malignant narcissist and, like his father (who is a covert narcissist), has a warped sense of reality. I know he is upset that I divorced his father two years ago after nearly forty years of marriage and moved back to my home state, but that is no excuse to shun me. My eldest son and younger daughter were also very upset when I left their father and moved so far away, but they have since come to terms with it and treat me with renewed respect. I am heartbroken over my middle son’s behavior and I am very worried about how he is undoubtedly treating his wife and son. Unfortunately, I sensed early on that he brainwashed his wife against me from the beginning of his marriage four years ago, so I have no relationship with her and am unable to warn her or let her know that I will never judge her if she one day decides to leave him and take their child with her. I am sure he has demolished her by now and that she has little impetus to do the right thing and actually leave. I pray that she will one day muster the strength to do so.
In any case, my story is meant to empathize with you, Diane. You have literally moved a mountain to get the heck away from some serious toxicity. While it is extremely unfair that you should be the one to completely uproot your entire life because of your son’s spouse’s behavior, I understand why you feel that you had to. Personally, I traveled thousands of miles with just one suitcase to show for 40 years of marriage in order to leave my toxic marriage. This was especially stunning to family members because I had just completed four years of care-taking of my (then) husband after he had had a devastating stroke. It took me all that time to get him back to 90% recovery because of his numerous health issues. Nevertheless, instead of being appreciative, he took on an even greater sense of entitlement toward me and, ironically, began verbally abusing me more than he ever had before. Clearly, with a narcissistic husband, we have the option to divorce, as I did. However, when the toxic narcissist is our own offspring or their spouse, we’re stuck. Either we slowly kill ourselves by sucking it up and subjecting ourselves eternally to their abuse out of a sense of martyrdom, or we leave because they have rejected us or because we just can’t take the abuse anymore. At that point, we know it is better to be far, far away from them and to pick up the pieces of our lives in a new place.
I feel incredible sadness for what you are going through, Diane, because it is the same sadness I feel. At the same time, I am enormously proud of you for setting up a new boundary with your son and his narcissistic wife. It shows how much you respect
yourself. That is why I feel hopeful that you will eventually heal. And, I don’t need to remind you of this, but your son may one day come to his senses and see his wife for what she is, then leave her. By doing so, he may realize the extent to which he has impacted your life and feel deep remorse. For that reason, you can still dare to harbor hope for your son’s future and for your relationship with him.
Diane, I sincerely wish you all the best in your new life. You rock!
I would love to write that your son has to comply and keep you in “his circles”. However, I can see the situation from the other side. My mother-in-law – though really uninterested in her son’s life – once she found out he found a girlfriend started to speak dirty about me, gossiping,criticizing, persuading him to leave me etc. She did not succeed. We married and moved far, far away, but for a long period of time she was still able to find a way how to bother us – mainly through our children. She was not nice to them, even beat them because they were “disobedient”, accused them that they were bad “like their mom”… She was always the good one, I, of course, the bad one. My husband fell between two mill stones. Whose side to chose? Your adult child has the right to live his own, independent life. They are not tied to you, nor obliged to stay close to you. I think you might give your son more trust that he has chosen his partner wisely.
Having gone through horrific devastation and loss , in a similar light, I very slowly healed and I need to tell you that, what disordered people do to one person, they will do to everyone. In time, the people that supported my disordered x daughter in law, have left her and her own family have taken the side of my son ( hoping to protect the children). It does take time and I have worked on who I truly am , wanting to be the person that spreads light and love. My son came around in love and I have not revisited the pain, for everyones’s sake. Have faith and hold on to yourself, in love and kindness.
Thanks…I especially would like input on when to turn the other cheek and when to stand up for yourself. Like with lies on social media and other public forums. And how to go no contact or set boundaries when it’s a family member.
I have followed Dr. Carter for nearly 2 years. He has helped me so much, both of yall have. Thank you for all your hard work. I just light up at the thought of Dr. Carter. Yall changed my life. Im very happy now. Much love to yall.
Thank you for sharing your story. It makes one remember that we are not alone with our feelings. These people can truly hurt a person so badly that you do lose your sense of self.
I feel sad that this has happened to you. I hope that one day your son will wake up and realize what he has been living with before his environment makes him sick. In the meantime, I wish you all the best in your new environment. God Bless you!
Hi Diane,
Thank you for sharing your painful story. My heart breaks and the tears start to flow as I read your story because it is similar to my own story. In 2012, my husband, who I now realize is a narcissist, conducted a smear campaign against me. He privately told our two grown children, a son and a daughter, lies about me. The lies were meant to convey an image of me as a terrible mother and the person responsible for any unhappiness they had during their childhoods, and also responsible for all the problems in my marriage to their father, which had always been rocky. He painted me as a person with a serious mental disorder and someone to avoid. Unfortunately, they believed him. The last 8 years have been a time of emotional torture. Like you, my faith is the only thing that has kept me alive. My reputation and my legacy as a loving mom were destroyed. All the sacrifices I made for my children, all the loving kindness I poured into their lives, is erased. My daughter has completely cut me off. She is married and lives in another state and has zero communication with me. I have no idea if she has children. I know nothing about her life. We had once been very close but that is over. The loss of any relationship with her is the deepest cut from which I have had to heal in my life. My son still lives in the same city as myself, is unmarried with no children, and he will come see me every few months or so. He seems to “tolerate” me but has obviously sided with his father. My husband divorced me after 36 years of marriage in 2015. He didn’t communicate with me for a year after that. In 2017, he seduced me back into a relationship. I was a fool and still hoping that we could somehow “make it work,” that he would admit his lies to our children, and we would remarry. Fortunately, that hasn’t happened! Back around the time that COVID started, my ex lied to me and I caught him in that lie (it involved our daughter). His response was to shut me out. No communication, the silent treatment (for the umpteenth time). This situation, combined with the knowledge that two of my siblings (I have 5 siblings) were also involved in the lie, plus the isolation of COVID, plus a painful injury to my hip and leg, nearly put me over the edge. But, again, my faith kept me going. I “just happened” to stumble upon Dr. Les Carter’s YouTube videos about narcissism and that was life changing for me. The great irony is that I have a masters degree in professional counseling and worked as a counselor for about 2 years. I should have known better! But now I know that my ex is and has always been a narcissist. I know that any relationship with him will be toxic for me and that he will continue to destroy my relationships with family and friends. I am making plans to move to another state, where I know no one, and retire there. I plan on working with animal rescue places. I’m hoping dogs, cats, horses, etc., will be my new “family.” Out of my 5 siblings, 2 “sided” with my ex. Of the 3 that remained loyal to me, one is dying of ALS, one is an unmarried “hermit,” and one lives in another country far away. I have no close friends. I am alone in this world at the age of 63. There are days when I think my self-pity will overwhelm me. But my supernatural hero keeps helping me to continue. Thank you for listening to my story. I want to encourage you to hang in there. I love the saying, “I don’t know what my future holds, but I know who holds my future.”
Laura,
Thank you for all you and Dr. Carter do. If I wrote a book about my experience with narcissism I would have to title it “My impossible life”. I feel I am not only fighting the problems that we all face, but every day is a fight over every issue, even the most mundane. Impossible to set boundaries because it only breeds more resentment and anger and retaliation from the narcissist. I also find it impossible to counter the narcissist because I am thought of as an obstacle to be overcome. Everything I say is either turned turned into an opportunity to belittle me or simply tell me to “shut up”. I feel like Rodney Dangerfield in real life, I get no respect. The sign she has on our kitchen wall saysf you knew my family you would understand”. Obviously the she grew up in a different environment than most people. This narcissism might be compounded by other issues.
My wife is a malignant narcisist.
She is alos a pathological liar, even about inocuous topics-why?
She is also very “gullible” almost to shame-why
I constantly ask her-how can you conrinue toi live with and be married to a man you don”t love? She does not answer me, the question does not phase her;
She is an expert a “gaslightimnh” me
How do you recover being harmed by the narcissist and forever being changed; my trauma is of the worst.